A happy which was not a sad

Photo by Frederik Löwer on Unsplash

I've been empty before—
/my mother's unused drum
kind of empty/
the kind that leaves you reeling
asking to be used.
the kind/ that punches you in the guts
every time you whisper:
I love you

you see?
I know how it feels/

to hurt
like a fire has made your heart
its home.
to hurt
like you'd never know
a happy which was not a sad
like life never rated you enough
for a trial.

days
the world spinned too fast
and you broke down/ like the walls
of an abandoned building
willing this empty to end.

end. end.
I love you.
empty. endless. love.