My guy, I for like deck you
Nedu.
You're the last thing on my mind when I close my eyes, and when you visit me in my dreams, I smile. Because I know there would be no demons lurking around the corners for me that night; you make everything beautiful.
And then you make it easy to laugh. Easy to live in the moment, and when it gets hard, you take my hand and ask me to breathe. You tell me it's going to be okay, and I know it's going to be okay because you never lie. I can ride on your wings and be sure of never falling.
I thought it was going to be flowery words with you. Like it's always with others, but when you say my name like a prayer, like it's the softest thing you have ever felt, I feel my heart fly out of my chest. No, this isn't the effect of consuming too much poetry. This is us: poetry.
When I feel like life isn't worth living anymore, I stare at your picture and feel the strength seep back in. Remember how I used to joke about you being psychedelic?—it's how you make me feel, Nedu.
I don't love you. I breathe you. I live you. You make my world go round. You make it easy.
I know you'll smile when you see this. "Ah, Rachael. Na too many books cause this one o. Abi, who you wan impress?" Then you'll smile, and your dimples will struggle to own your cheeks like you own my world.
I've spent all my life writing stories with sad endings, because I didn't know how else it was supposed to end. I didn't know that all these pains were part of it and that love was supposed to own a great percentage.
I thought that if I wrote the sadness away, I'd have everything. That if I managed to show the world how beautiful it was in my head, they'll leave me long enough to find and own my happiness. Because there's beauty in pain.
My ex told me he wanted to make memories with me; I should have asked which. But you didn't say anything. Just smiled like someone with no care in the world and kept doing your thing, and now I'm here—
"I swear, Nedu. If no be say the thing wey you do me strong, I for like dey deck you steady. You don come turn my life upside down." In a good way, but I won't tell you. You smile way too much and sometimes the darkness in me wants to wipe it off.
Now, it's rainbow and sunshine and darkness. But even the darkness is enjoyable because there are colors in it.
I dey tell you, boss; you don turn chief for my personal village. And you be mumu.
Your pesin,
Rachael.
