On fixing my life
If you’ve been in my circle for the past 1 year, you’d know that with me, we’re going to have to fix our lives together. I am a sucker for knowledge, and I dispense them happily, whether asked or not—compliment my autism. I will be honest and blunt with you, and we’ll fix our lives together. But it saddens me when I remember that the most amazing set of humans I had as friends then did not enjoy this version of me. I wonder sometimes if things would have been different if we had been together long enough for this version of me to emerge.
Will we have been good friends, still? Will everything that happened between us to make us familiar strangers not have happened? I would love to know, but then, this is the thing with life. You never really know for sure. You think you have it under lock and boom, life springs another of its surprises on you. I wish, though, that they had met this version of me. We would have done so much together.
Oh well.
The past year has been a weird one. It's been filled with me discovering things about me and exploring a lot more than I normally do. I learned a lot of things. I achieved so much, and I lost so much; I sometimes wonder if it was life doing its balance thing. It has been beautiful and sad and suicidal and depressing and lonely and tired and empty and pretty and prosperous. I've made more money in the past year than I've made my whole life, and that is an achievement for me.
It's funny how humans can go through many phases in a couple of weeks or months. Today you're up, tomorrow you're down and the next one you're halfway up. I was asking an acquaintance last night if he ever thought how funny it was that different people would have different opinions about one thing. One of my former friends can say I was a good friend and another will say I was a shitty friend. They will both be right. Because everyone is not supposed to like everything about you, just the same way you do not like everything about a person.
The past year has taught me that you can love someone from afar. You can love them so much and wish them well and be rooting for them from afar; you don't have to be in their lives and vice versa. It has also taught me that some people need to remain as friends and not graduate into a lover. It affects the equilibrium of everything, and that's not a good thing.
Also, I started a 21 day challenge. It began on October 9th, 2023, and would continue until the end of the month. In this challenge, I live like the best version of myself that I always imagine. I do everything like her and think like her. I want to see where that leaves me in the next one month. I'm pretty sure I would be changed.
And hey, I took a bold step to start a new mental health blog. An uncensored one. A quick follow will go a long way in helping me become the best version of myself.
