Romanticizing your life
I still remember when I was 13 like it was yesterday. We lived in the house my parents built somewhere far from town, and everyday I stared at the seemingly endless horizon outside of my window, covered with miles of plantations and blue sky. And everytime I yearned for the beauty that I knew existed somewhere out there—but just not in my vicinity. I would dream of a time when I would live life largely, and on some nights I was sure that time would never come.
There were nights I cried myself to sleep, resigning myself to the fate of living in a house far away in the woods, and watching people have all the fun from my phone. There were people whose lives looked so beautiful on Instagram, and I wished. Boy did I wish. I wished to be like them so much: to have the courage to live unapologetically, and to enjoy living while at it. But sometimes I was bitter. How come they get to live a fancy life and I don't?
But no one ever does really live only a “fancy” life, do they?
And then I left home in April 2022 and the world opened up a teeny bit for me. I learned to enjoy car rides on the streets of Abuja at night, and I tried some of the foods I had only ever seen on TV and online before. Then I visited really beautiful places, sometimes they were so beautiful and sparkling that I felt out of place—like a dirty napkin on a golden table.
Soon, I graduated to talking to people of authority. Men. Honorables. CEOs. Influential women—my foster mom. Strong, beautiful, bold African women. I didn’t have a circle to begin with because I was new in the state, but I was moving with and seeing people I had only ever dreamed of before. I thought that was it, and even though I wasn’t always grateful for where I was at that point in my life, looking back, I am so grateful for those experiences.
In late 2022, I started making what I saw as a lot of money. I was completely independent; going as far as supporting my family in ways I could. But 2023 was that defining year in my life. I had so many wins and so many losses, and I made money. Damn. I made money. And although I made some resolutions I didn’t keep to, at the end of the year, I was in a much better place than I have ever been in my life.
So 2024, I made up my mind: to take two (2) years off dating other people and focus on myself. On loving myself. Not the kind of love you hear about from motivational speakers; the kind that sits you down and asks you to engage yourself. The kind that says: “hey, let’s have this conversation with ourselves.” The kind that reminds you again and again that healing is not a linear journey, and that bad days exist to make you appreciate the good days.
For me, this love has come in so many ways, among which are: going on solo dates, having solo movie nights, and giving myself grace—like ACTUALLY giving myself grace to be a human being. In a nutshell, this love is you romanticizing your life. Paying attention to what you love and indulging yourself. And I came up with one rule: Love yourself as you would want another person to love you.
Yes, that includes surprise gifts, alone time, validating your feelings, having boundaries, honouring your words, not recycling garbage, less criticism, and more leniency; not to the point of mediocrity, though. Most of all, it includes dreaming because your dreams are valid. And because one day, you will get to where you’ve always wanted to be. Just remember not to be so focused on your next goal that you forget to enjoy every moment and be happy. Because you fucking deserve to be happy.
