To do or not do
Last month, I found a book club I wanted to join. Virtually. Readers and writers alike who loved the idea of reading would gather to read a designated book, talk about it—highlight what they learned—and move on to other fun, book-related activities. It sounded like fun. I believe it was. In a way, it reminded me of the past book clubs I’ve been in: Travel Places and Elysium. One was dissolved and one is still in existence, I think.
Before leaping to join this one again, I stepped back and asked myself why I wanted to join a book club. Why I wanted to join a virtual book club, to be exact, after promising myself to join physical literary events and book clubs in my state. This led me to question whether we do things for the sole purpose of feeling good at the moment or if we put more thought into every decision seeing as the future is a series of nows.
Sometimes, we make decisions based on what others would think of us, or how we would appear to our loved ones. Some of us are still tethered to the validation we get from people we genuinely love and give a fuck about. Hear me out, it's not a bad thing. To shed wanting validation from people—our loved ones, especially—in a bad light would be to deny our humanity. It's inherent.
So when we love someone we want them to see us in a certain light. We shield the flawed parts of ourselves from them and only get that vulnerable with people we have no choice but to do so with. And this sometimes influences our decisions. "What would my boyfriend/girlfriend do if she sees/hears of me doing XYZ?" In hindsight, XYZ is good for right now as it will help us transition into the next phase of our lives, but we walk away from this as a result of wondering how this loved one, or several loved ones, will see us when we take on XYZ.
2023 is a year of trying new things and stepping out of our comfort zones—for me. Let it also be a year of doing away with thoughts like "what would they think of me?" and listening to our souls to find what best is the right decision for us. That might include saying no to things you would ordinarily say yes to or vice versa. But, live a little.
Experiences make a man's life richer. Of course, know that some experiences are irrelevant and interfere with our needed experience.
Listen to your soul. You've got the answer inside of you.
