What next?
as the trees whip by
& the wind carries memories
of days spent away
from my safe haven
I wonder what's next
after I've chased the highs
& gotten a fill of living
do I die now?
will my guardian angel
rest, now that I've lived?
for 2023, my resolution is simple:
spend all of my year
desperately trying to live;
trying to not succumb
to the voice that asks me to jump—
that asks me to obey the law of gravity
each time I stand on the edge of the bridge
& and watch the river flowing below
with the evening light casting a glow
making it sparkle like a rainbow
last night
as I reminded myself
of all the ways I want to live
I stuck a finger in my past
punctured a hole big enough
to bury my fears,
& said a prayer:
may this day give me strength
to continue living on days I'm done
may this light never grow dim;
may I find ways and reasons to live
again and again
may the earth spit me out
each time I try to return myself to heaven
most of all,
may I find a balance
& may I never stop living
amen.
