Who we love
You are listening to Who we love by Sam Smith on repeat, and you flip through the memories—that’s all you’re left with anyway. You see the light in her eyes when you say you love her or talk to her. The way she made your life so beautiful and filled up all the rooms, sometimes making you forget the vacuum you now have to live with. She was so good. So good. But you lost her, like you lose all the good things in your life because you feel like you don’t deserve them.
It's not wrong
to want the world for someone
it's not a feeling you can run from
cos we love who we love
The days are long and empty and productive. You wake up and work your ass off as a way to battle the emptiness you are feeling. And it shows—your bank account is so full it could almost burst. Your nights are filled with YouTube videos and reading and nightmares. Always nightmares. And in them, you lose everyone you love again and again, and you can’t do anything about it. There are trips to psychiatrists and a ton of psych meds, so now you’re here. You’re coping with everything, attending therapy and listening to songs. Oh. Those nights. With a blunt and a carefully curated playlists, they are heavenly.
you don't know better than
your heart knows
whether they're here
or long gone
But when you lose one more person, the only one in your heart, you don’t know anymore. The nights are sad. There are things you want to share with someone else—especially someone who means a lot to you—but I end up telling yourself in the mirror just to feel like you were saying it to someone.
You do it, though. You do it so well that no one would believe there is a gap inside of you where a crack once was. And maybe they’d never know. But for now, you will make the most out of it. You will be here, and you will enjoy it.
